Dads are from Mars, Moms are From Venus

Last night feeling pre-menstrual, cranky and bloated, I suddenly found myself bickering with my husband, Michael, defending the importance of the first day of school and defining yet again the fundamental differences between moms and dads.

I know it's silly, but even as a grown up, I get excited about the start of the school year. I want to buy new shoes, get my hair cut, and I still feel oddly compelled to buy new paper products at the drugstore. Perhaps the inevitable consequence of attending school for sixteen years is that the start of the academic year just seems like the natural time for fresh beginnings.

So last night, the eve of my son Jonah's first day of Pre-K, as I lay in bed next to Michael reading the Sunday New York Times, I asked him if he was disappointed that he wouldn't be taking Jonah to school, picking him up or even seeing Jonah at the end of the day because he would be out of town on a business trip. "Why would I be sad?" Michael asked me matter-of-factly. "It's not such a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal," I said feeling even more irritable than ever. "Our baby is growing up. It's Pre-K! Next year he'll be in kindergarten. Jonah has a new teacher and it's a whole new crop of kids. How bigger does it get than that?" I asked incredulously, though not quite believing my own dramatic words.

I, of course, am the one who would be dropping off and picking up Jonah from school. And for the past two weeks I have already begun fretting about missing my 2-year-old daughter's second day of school because I will be en route to Milwaukee on a business trip. Coincidentally, I am traveling to speak to a working mothers group who most probably are also not available to pick up their children from school.

Time and again I realize that moms experience these types of life events more intensely than dads. My husband simply doesn't feel the guilt that I do -- and he's not alone. Yes, most dads say they want to be present, but if they are not available they usually don't beat themselves up over it. I think moms want more and expect more than dads do. Is it society that conditions us to feel guilty if we miss certain events, or is it biology that makes our stomachs churn when we're away from our kids for too long? It's probably both. I know my daughter will be happy to see our babysitter on Thursday after school, but I will make sure I'm carrying my tissues on the plane. Logically, I know it's not such a big deal, but then why do I feel so sad?