My Nanny Diaries

Fabulous childcare is essential for the Stay-at-Work mom. This is the one truism that's been repeated to me at least a zillion times from nearly every Stay-at-Work mom whom I've interviewed. Maybe that's why I'm always feeling so stressed.

While I think my babysitter is great with my kids, the fact that she doesn't drive - and that I live in the suburbs - is frankly a nightmare. I wrote my book, How She Really Does It, in between my son's carpool schedule. But now that I'm producing again, and working an erratic and busy schedule, nearly every day I'm either trying to mooch a ride for my son to get to school or I'm hiring a taxi. And given that he's only four years old and still requires a car seat and the accompaniment of an adult, and inevitably the company of his two-year-old sister, well, the whole situation is not only expensive but incredibly annoying. (Yes, I know I should have worked out a carpool schedule earlier in the year, but it's June now and a little late for that.)

So today I finally Interviewed a new babysitter for my kids. I'll call her Kate. Kate I think would prefer to be called a nanny because that's how she refers to herself, but I find the term a little too "upper crusty" and uptight and my family is frankly neither.

When I first chatted with my potential new sitter, we spoke on the phone and it felt like I was being set up on a blind date. Someone had told me that she was available and someone told her that I was in search of a driving babysitter. So in the first few minutes on the phone as we were gingerly feeling each other out, I had the weird sensation that I was trying to woo her. I found myself putting on the charm -- acting cool yet sweet, laid back yet in control, sympathetic yet decisive. Knowing that Kate had already been offered a couple of jobs and was still interviewing, I needed to win her over immediately. As all moms know, good sitters are hard to come by, even harder than finding a rent-controlled apartment in New York City.

So this afternoon when I met Kate my courting kicked into high gear. It started when I hugged her as soon as she walked through the door. (I'm not a big hugger, but she seemed like the hugging type.) Then as our conversation progressed I found myself not just trying to show her that I would be the hippest boss in the 'hood, and yes she would have access to my Jeep Cherokee anytime, I was also trying to persuade her that my kids were just as fabulous. So instead of talking about how my two-year-old daughter torments her older brother - by hiding his toys and stealing his blanket, driving him to a virtual nervous breakdown in which he retaliates by pinching and body slamming her - I mentioned that my children have a lot of "energy" but that they LOVE quiet time and reading books. Did I feel guilty for sort of lying? Perhaps a little.

Then Kate tells me that she belongs to the same overpriced gym that I do and that she's as committed to working out as she is about going to church every Sunday. The irony is that I'm quitting my gym this week so I can afford to pay for the car insurance and extra car I need for Kate to drive my kids. So while my sitter can afford to work out, I'm working so that I can afford to have a sitter who works out. This irony makes me a little bitter. But I'll get over it, I tell myself. There is no victory, after all, without sacrifice.

But then today, Kate called to tell me she was taking another job. Perhaps the other mom was more aggressive in her courting -- maybe she even offered to pay Kate's monthly gym fees as a bonus. Or maybe Kate saw through me. But while I still don't have a driving babysitter, I still have my gym membership -- at least for now.