The Peculiar Pain Called Guilt

"I feel guilty for not working," a mom said to me on the train today as I was heading into New York City to see a doctor to evaluate a very peculiar and disturbing pain pulsating from my right foot apparently for no real reason.  We started talking because she noticed several of my books (soon to be released) that I was toting along with me to eventually mail off to friends, family and women who debuted in my book.  Then she added, "I feel guilty even now while I'm on the train going to my dentist because I'm not with my kids.  I always feel guilty when I'm not with them."

 

Yikes!  Guilt and motherhood feel brutally entwined.  Whatever we do, working or not working, women somehow feel guilty.  When did it get this bad?  I understand there is good reason for mother nature to make sure that we will never stray far from our young.  And I do believe we have a chemical, physiological reaction if we believe our children are in harm's way. God knows I get knots in my stomach plenty of times when it comes to my children, but when did leaving our kids to go to the dentist make us feel guilty? 

 

There is so much pressure on moms today to be perfect, selfless beings whose lives revolve around their children.  Today moms shuttle their kids to a whole host of "stimulating" classes and we're made to feel inadequate if we are not prepping our toddlers with the latest and hottest activities -- Mandarin is the apparent must-know language in NYC these days for babies.

 

I admit, I always feel guilty too.  If my children aren't doing well at home or at school I blame myself that I could or should be doing more.  I think we need to collectively revolt against the guilt.  Maybe we should banish all of these expensive classes that make us crazy.  Let's admit, we all look and sound like idiots harmonizing while waving scarves in Music Together.  We do these things because everyone else is doing it.  Let's end the guilt.  Motherhood would be a lot more fun if we didn't have to worry so much.