Take This Job

Last week I interviewed for a new job. A big full time job with a media organization. It's been awhile since I was employed by someone other than myself. For the past few years I have been writing a book and freelance TV producing. For most of that time I have been working my tail off, but working on my own hours, late nights, early mornings and in between carpool pick-up and drop off. This is a dreamy work schedule for many moms -- but the unfortunate truth is, now I need a real job, a permanent type that pays me every two weeks and comes with a 401K. Unfortunately, those types of gigs usually have no flexibility -- especially for a new hire.

So as the recruiter of this media organization was questioning me, trying to assess where or how I would fit into their mix, I tried desperately to put on a happy face and say that I was willing to do just about anything. (You do this, when you really need a job) But the more she probed, I suddenly realized I couldn't lie -- I had to confess. "The truth is," I said, "I'm really looking for a position where I can have some degree of control over my schedule because I have two small children." The recruiter looked at me like I had two heads. "Do you have kids?" I asked sweetly. "No," she answered curtly.

Having spent years interviewing working moms about the gamut of issues we face, I have found that women can be our worst enemies when it comes to work/life balance. Some women if they have children and are working 100-hour weeks resent other women who work any less or feel entitled to work less. Women without children usually have absolutely no sympathy or understanding for the moms who race out the door at 5:30 pm to get home in time to relieve their babysitter or pick their kids up from daycare. And frankly why should they?

So as I looked around the newsroom on the way out of the door, I had an epiphany. I don't want this type of life or job anymore. I used to crave this and live this -- but not now. The room was filled with men and women who looked too young to have kids. Clearly this was not a good fit.

I knew I probably sabotaged my chances of getting hired when I discussed my need for some control over my life. But who am I trying to fool. My stomach was in knots when I thought about all of the time I would be away from my kids if I took this type of position. So again I'm trying to reassess what I want and what would work. My credit card bills are mounting and I really do need to have a consistent income -- freelance doesn't quite pay the bills. But what I discovered last week is that along with finding a job, I have to find something that blends into my life. And that's my biggest challenge.