When Work Isn't Working
Last week, a national news show invited me to participate in a taped panel discussion about some of the issues confronting Stay-at-Work and Stay-at-Home moms. This was another segment in the ongoing "Mommy Wars" debate. But this time, instead of discussing the issues of conflict, we were asked to come up with solutions.
At the end of our half hour taping, one of the women on the panel, who I'll call Susan, was downright angry. Susan was a single, full time working mother of a twelve year old. She supported herself and her daughter on $27,000 a year. Because she didn't have a college education, she didn't have a lot of career options. She was currently working as a bookkeeper in Florida.
"I'm so upset with everything that was said today," Susan announced to us as we began to gather around her. "None of what you all said has anything to do with me. You talk about going to your boss and asking for flexibility. If I did that, I'd be fired. If I take a sick day, I'll be fired. I live in fear of being fired," Susan said.
"My daughter broke her arm two weeks into my current job and my boss let me take care of my daughter for a couple of days, but I got a warning that this could never happen again. I go from job to job because when my daughter gets sick, I get fired. Her father is not in our life. I have no support system. I am so stressed out all of the time. I feel like a terrible mother and I think my daughter hates me because I am never around. You talk about legislation to make the lives of working moms easier. Maybe in twenty years that will make a difference, but what do I do today?" Susan demanded.
We all fell silent. Not one of the dozen or so women circled around Susan had any real solutions for her. Some women in the group tried to empower Susan and reassure her that she was doing the best she could under her undeniably difficult circumstances. But when it came to real, practical steps to relieve her anxiety, there were no concrete answers.
What's most disturbing is that Susan represents millions of women who also feel that they have few options and no reasonable answers. Flexibility and lofty goals of work/life balance legislation don't help a low wage, struggling, working mother who is simply trying to survive.
Nearly 15 million women in the United States earn less than $25,000 a year despite working in full time, year-round jobs. Only 1 in 3 workers has paid sick leave to care for their children. And 77 percent of the lowest paid workers have no paid sick leave at all.
Stories about the mommy wars and the exodus of high powered women leaving the workforce make sexy headlines and bring in ratings. But these women represent a small segment of the population. After meeting Susan last week, I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. She made me realize that we must turn our attention to the millions of working moms who have no legal protection and no safety net. We, who are educated and therefore have access to more power, have an obligation to make the lives of other women with less opportunities better. It is unconscionable that millions of American women are living in dire fear of what will happen to them if their child is sick or if God forbid they get sick.
Something is clearly wrong in this country when work isn't working.
posted by Wendy Sachs @ Saturday, March 25, 2006
2 Comments:
Amen.
I am 37, a single mom with never any support from the father...I have just been laid off from my $24,960 job as a receptionist (where I, too, was terrified of asking for time off - it worked out that I couldn't afford lunch because I rarely even got relieved for it)... I gave my sister and her husband guardianship of my son when he was 7 so I could finish getting my degree (journalism) in another city. I had jobs in restaurants, which gave me flexible hours, but no benefits (sick days, insurance, job security) and low pay. After getting my degree 5 years ago, I haven't been able and still cannot get a job in the media - mostly because I didn't do an internship and don't have any "experience"! Who had time in between classes and labs (think video production Wendy!), assignments, working to pay for school (oh, yeah and uh life, too), and travelling out of town to be with my son?? I completely identify with Susan and desperately wish I had some words of assurance or method of help to offer her, but I don't. I won't stop trying to figure it out, though.
It is very nice to hear some acknowledgement of moms who truly cannot afford to not work. All of the "mommy war" debates focus on women who have a choice financially, and the stay at home moms always respond by saying that everyone has a choice and you just have to sacrafice cable or some other luxury.
Well, my husband has been out of work for a year and a half with a back injury. He may never be able to do his job again. Luckily we do receive compensation, but he is unable to care for our 15 month old because his pain is so bad that some days he can't even pick him up.
Not only do we need for me to have a job for finanical reasons, but we also need health insurance. My son is only 15 months old but has already been diagnosed with acid reflux, and has had to have ear tubes put in for chronic ear infections. My husband, besides his back injury, also has asthma and allergies and requires 7 daily prescriptions. Without my excellent benefits we would be bankrupt.
An ex-coworker left work to become a stay at home mom. She comes in with her son who is 4 months older than mine and is constantly comparing their development (so far my son is actually ahead...)and commenting about how sad it must be for me to be here every day. We work at a bankruptcy firm, so my response is always that its either come here as an employee or come here as a client...lol. Ironically her husband is currently working 2 jobs in order for her to be a stay at home mom. How is that beneficial for her child? My son has loving, secure relationships with BOTH of his parents despite the fact that he goes to a babysitter's house during the day.
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