Lacking Outrageous-ness

Where's the Outrage?

Over the past couple of weeks I have been interviewed by a couple of British publications about my book. The story both times was about how professional career women in London were having upwards of seven babies. Yes, seven! Apparently there is a "trend" of successful women having huge families. The British reporters called me to ask what we in America would consider a large family, especially if the mom is working. When I told them three or four kids would be a large family for us Yanks, they nearly fell out of their chairs laughing. That's nothing compared to what these high flying women in the U.K. are doing they told me.

When the conversation turned to our maternity leave policies and the fact that we're one of the only industrialized nations without federally mandatory paid leave, the reporters were horrified. "You're telling me that the average maternity leave is between six and twelve weeks and its often not even paid?" they asked incredulously. "Where's the outrage? Why aren't American women up in arms over this?" Good question.

We have one of the skimpiest maternity leave policies in the world. I'm not even talking about Sweden where the dreamy combined maternity and paternity leave totals about eighteen months and most of that is paid. Even in Russia and the former Czech Republic women receive between twenty and twenty eight weeks of paid leave. And in the U.K. the average maternity leave is six months but many women take up to a year off.

I was always rather amazed in my interviewing for my book that more women weren't enraged about their short and often unpaid maternity leaves. I did, however, recently meet one woman who is angered by the lack of adequate leave. She works in DC for a small agency that oversees judicial nominations. She told me that when she was pregnant a couple of years ago there was no maternity leave policy in place at all. "Here I was working for one of the most progressive organizations in Washington and they had no paid maternity leave of any kind. I couldn't believe it. I basically drafted the policy and it was a real battle to even get six weeks paid."

Longer paid maternity leaves shouldn't just be a woman's issue. This really is a family issue. And for all of our talk in this nation about "family values," and so few families able to afford one-income households, moms and babies are still being ignored. So where IS our outrage?

Wendy Sachs on Radio

Click on Section Title to Visit the Business Shrink Web Site

It comes as a bit of a surprise to me - I guess because it wasn't my intent to serve the business community with my book but working moms - but I'm finding that companies are excited by HOW SHE REALLY DOES IT. I've been asked to speak to business groups and on business talk radio and have been thrilled by the hunger for ways to make moms' work lifes more fulfilling.

I hope everyone is having an enjoyable - and relaxing, if that's possible - summer. Please check back for more blogs from me!

-Wendy

My Nanny Diaries

Fabulous childcare is essential for the Stay-at-Work mom. This is the one truism that's been repeated to me at least a zillion times from nearly every Stay-at-Work mom whom I've interviewed. Maybe that's why I'm always feeling so stressed.

While I think my babysitter is great with my kids, the fact that she doesn't drive - and that I live in the suburbs - is frankly a nightmare. I wrote my book, How She Really Does It, in between my son's carpool schedule. But now that I'm producing again, and working an erratic and busy schedule, nearly every day I'm either trying to mooch a ride for my son to get to school or I'm hiring a taxi. And given that he's only four years old and still requires a car seat and the accompaniment of an adult, and inevitably the company of his two-year-old sister, well, the whole situation is not only expensive but incredibly annoying. (Yes, I know I should have worked out a carpool schedule earlier in the year, but it's June now and a little late for that.)

So today I finally Interviewed a new babysitter for my kids. I'll call her Kate. Kate I think would prefer to be called a nanny because that's how she refers to herself, but I find the term a little too "upper crusty" and uptight and my family is frankly neither.

When I first chatted with my potential new sitter, we spoke on the phone and it felt like I was being set up on a blind date. Someone had told me that she was available and someone told her that I was in search of a driving babysitter. So in the first few minutes on the phone as we were gingerly feeling each other out, I had the weird sensation that I was trying to woo her. I found myself putting on the charm -- acting cool yet sweet, laid back yet in control, sympathetic yet decisive. Knowing that Kate had already been offered a couple of jobs and was still interviewing, I needed to win her over immediately. As all moms know, good sitters are hard to come by, even harder than finding a rent-controlled apartment in New York City.

So this afternoon when I met Kate my courting kicked into high gear. It started when I hugged her as soon as she walked through the door. (I'm not a big hugger, but she seemed like the hugging type.) Then as our conversation progressed I found myself not just trying to show her that I would be the hippest boss in the 'hood, and yes she would have access to my Jeep Cherokee anytime, I was also trying to persuade her that my kids were just as fabulous. So instead of talking about how my two-year-old daughter torments her older brother - by hiding his toys and stealing his blanket, driving him to a virtual nervous breakdown in which he retaliates by pinching and body slamming her - I mentioned that my children have a lot of "energy" but that they LOVE quiet time and reading books. Did I feel guilty for sort of lying? Perhaps a little.

Then Kate tells me that she belongs to the same overpriced gym that I do and that she's as committed to working out as she is about going to church every Sunday. The irony is that I'm quitting my gym this week so I can afford to pay for the car insurance and extra car I need for Kate to drive my kids. So while my sitter can afford to work out, I'm working so that I can afford to have a sitter who works out. This irony makes me a little bitter. But I'll get over it, I tell myself. There is no victory, after all, without sacrifice.

But then today, Kate called to tell me she was taking another job. Perhaps the other mom was more aggressive in her courting -- maybe she even offered to pay Kate's monthly gym fees as a bonus. Or maybe Kate saw through me. But while I still don't have a driving babysitter, I still have my gym membership -- at least for now.