Isn't Anything Sacred?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude. I wear low-rise pants and yes I'm aware that my thong is often on display for the world to examine. (This of course is better than seeing crack.) I like sexy, semi-revealing clothes and I can curse like a truck driver after a few drinks. I also publicly breast fed, whipping out my boob everywhere from Starbucks and Central Park to a neighbor's house in the middle of Rosh Hashanah dinner.

But when a friend told me about her recovery experience after delivering her second daughter last week, I thought we've just gone too far. Apparently, these days giving birth has become a very open spectacle. The New York Times ran an article a few weeks ago describing just how public this once private experience has become. Now when women give birth they're inviting professional videographers, photographers, massage therapists, yoga instructors, the butcher, the dry cleaner and any one else who wants in. Distant relatives and neighbors often have a close-up view of perhaps the most intimate moment in a woman's life.

But my friend Sharon is a relatively private person and had no intention to make her delivery a spectacle. Because she had a planned C-Section in a sterile operating room, not a hotel suite type of birthing room, the delivery was not open to the public.

But soon after her organs were put back into place and she was recovering from what is major abdominal surgery, the visitors began arriving in droves. There was a sister-in-law and her nephews, an elderly aunt and her boyfriend, step-cousins, friends, teenage children of friends. So as Sharon was bleeding on her bed, pulling her engorged, cantaloupe-sized breasts out of her gown and trying to shove her tender nipples into her newborn's mouth, she faced a room full of spectators.

"We were all uncomfortable in there," she told me on the phone from her hospital room. (I decided to meet the baby when they returned home.) "I was sharing a room and we had a tiny space and all of these men were in the room watching me and then looking away as I was trying to breast feed Ava. They seemed fascinated and disgusted. It was awful, but I thought they would feel insulted if I asked them to leave. So there I was trying to entertain and nurse. It was totally out-of-control."

Does everyone have to bear witness to mother and baby minutes after delivery? Shouldn't there be some down time? I think I read that Scientologists have a week-long quiet period where no one talks after the birth of their babies. Well, that sounds a little extreme. (Tom Cruise may be preparing Katie Holmes for this ritual.) But a little quiet, bonding time I think is a good thing. Let the relatives and friends bring their gifts and curiosity to your house not your hospital room.

Motherhood In Vogue

Britney, Madonna, Gwyneth, Sarah Jessica, Reese, Kate Hudson, Brooke Shields... they're all doing it -- having babies and making motherhood look fabulous. Babies are the hottest accessory for the successful woman who has everything. Even though many pregnant ladies are barfing on our way to brush their teeth in the morning, the media has done an extreme makeover on pregnancy -- declaring it one of the sexiest and most chic nine months in a woman's life.

The media embraces pregnant celebrity moms-to-be showing off their bumps and bosoms busting out of sexy evening wear (Britney). And two days after delivering, the celebrity moms emerge from the hospital looking even more fabulous than before. Somehow despite arduous labor and delivering a baby the size of a watermelon (Gwyneth), their bodies miraculously contract back into their pre-pregnancy, Pilates-tight size.

On the cover of the October issue of Vogue, Gwyneth Paltrow - long blonde hair flowing - shines in a gorgeous, backlit, peaceful state, taunting us mere mortal moms about how motherhood and marriage had centered her, "I have something so real," reads her quote on the cover. because she now has something real. Yes, I too have something real -- a real two year old and a real four year old, who when they wake me up in the middle of the night (which they almost always still do) can also be a real pain in the butt. But Gwyneth, of course, says nothing about any of motherhood's woes. No celebrity moms do. In fact, all Gwyneth discloses about her daughter Apple is that she wakes up at 7:30 am, eats lunch at 11:30 am and naps for two hours a day. No wonder why Gwyneth looks so well rested!

It always amazes me how reporters depict these celebrity moms not only as glowing with the sheen of motherhood but also as always putting their children before their careers. The Vogue reporter who interviewed Gwyneth in Paris (of course) spent the day with her having lunch and shopping. He made it clear that Gwyneth doesn't have a real nanny, only a housekeeper who watches Apple when Gwyneth does things like have lunches with reporters and shop. He also explained that Gwyneth has found inner peace with her marriage to rock star Chris Martin and that's given her the happiness that Hollywood alone never could. He reports that Gwyneth, after taking a sabbatical from her career to spend time with Apple, has decided to work again, but only in roles that she finds interesting and that will make her a more fascinating person.

Let me say, I have nothing against Gwyneth. I think she's chic and talented and who wouldn't want her life? But these articles always make me cringe. Gwyneth is fortunate to be able to pick and choose when she works -- most of us can't. And depicting motherhood as the be all and end all where women emerge sexier, more beautiful and happier than ever before perpetuates a warped and dangerous image that's impossible to achieve, and frankly it makes the rest of us feel bad.

Aside from Brooke Shields who had the courage to speak honestly about her ordeal with post-partum depression, no other celebrity moms have come forward to speak candidly about pregnancy and motherhood.

I wish someone would.